The icy fingers of fear crawl up my back; I shiver. Sleep won’t come. Who is there? That shadow moved. Am I really alone? My mind knows the house it quiet and I am the only one awake, but my body is convinced I am not alone. I tense up.
I stare into the unending pool of the internet; trying to lose the feeling of those cold fingers. But chills still creep up my spine. I chase sleep down a back-alley. It eludes me; it jumped the fence. And the fear follows as I sprint away from it; I reach a dead end and find I am trapped between fear and its enforcer anxiety.
The questions start to race in my mind. Who is there? What is happening? Oh my god, am I going to die? As my mind races, my heart follows and my breathing becomes shallow. I try to slow my breathing down, but can’t really. I have to stop entirely; sleep is gone. I lost it in my pursuit. Now I curl up in a ball as fear and anxiety beat me into submission.
©K. Klein 2012
Filed under anxiety, health
I recently moved back home from living a couple of hours downstate. I moved there to earn my masters degree; I majored in library science. A few weeks ago, my dear friend, G invited me to go to her gym and take a yoga class with her there. She had several free classes, which enabled me to go with her three weeks in a row.
I really enjoyed being able to take the yoga class with my friend. I also really liked the teacher who taught that class; she gave the classroom of beginners a lot of options for how far we each wanted to go without pushing us too far. Well, I suppose I should say without pushing me too far.
Sadly, because I am unemployed currently, I cannot afford the weekly fee to join my friend at her gym and continue taking the yoga classes. So now I am a bit of a crossroads. Where do I take my yoga practice from here?
I often have a difficult time practicing alone – I find it difficult to hold myself accountable in that respect. There is something about being in a classroom with other people, which I find motivational . I suppose at this point I am just bitching about my circumstances. I can either practice or not. I just tend to dilly dally when given the option; this week there will be a lot of that since I caught a bit of a nasty flu bug. So I wonder; where to start when I resume my weekly practice next week?
©K. Klein 2012
There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them.
There is not a time that I can remember being unable to read. My grandmother told me that this is because my family would always read to me. My love affair with books started in her two-flat apartment with two or three (possibly more) bookshelves double and triple stacked with books.
Books are my refuge when the world becomes too hard to bear. They allow me to escape into another person’s head; to experience the world from a new point of view. Books also allow me to experience worlds beyond my own. Books open up the possibility of magic or faster than light travel or other technology beyond what we imagine is possible today. I love being able to dive into a place I’d never be able to go otherwise, through my books.
Why do you read? When did you discover your love of books?
©K. Klein 2012
I am in the middle of my first major novel-level rewrite. I am learning a new part of my writing process and it is a challenge for me. I suppose this should not surprise me, but it does; I guess it just goes back to the fact that writing is hard.
My current WIP rewrite is not of my first novel ever, but it seems to be the first novel to go through the entirety of the writing process. I have been with these characters for seven years and it is only as of October, 31 2011 that I finished a complete first draft. I went through three drafts where I had fits and starts and moments of writing myself into hair-tearing corners. And through that all, none of these characters would shut up and leave me alone. I had to tell this story.
So here I am, rewriting. It is still hard and still scary, but I am trying to move forward. When I began this venture into the next part of my writing process I discovered several things.
First, unlike with a first draft, I need a plan. So I wrote my plan out – twice. The first time I planned on an 18’x20’ pad of drawing paper. That was onerous to carry around with me. So I ended up writing the plan on 3’x5’ note cards as well; although not all the notes in the pad were transferred onto the cards.
Second, I learned that I don’t like it when it looks like my plan is going to fall apart. I don’t like it in the first draft either; but in the first draft the plan is still in my head and not on paper. That tends to make me freeze up and not want to write; unless I have a solution to the perceived problem.
Third, for whatever reason my brain decided that the second draft needed to be written long-hand first and transcribed. I hate transcribing my own work. And I wrote the dang first draft on the computer, so why in the name of heck am I scrawling an entire novel in my notebook only to transcribe it back into my computer? I don’t know the answer. All I can say is that it is the only way I’ve been able to make progress thus far. Goodness help me, I hope this doesn’t happen for every rewrite that I ever have to do.
I am only about half way through the rewrite right now and my goal is to finish my October 31, 2012 so that I can participate in NaNoWriMo. Who knows what I will learn as I finish this process? We shall see.
©K. Klein 2012
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.”
Inner peace or the idea of it has always been a conflict for me. How can I find tranquility in my life if I am always at odds with myself? I have found that yoga helps me to find the quiet space in my mind. I am able to follow my breath and the movements of each pose to find some repose from the chaos of my daily existence. How do you find peace in your life?
©K. Klein 2012